


make it right for you

by teasockschocolate



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family Fluff, my kids with kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 14:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14082735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teasockschocolate/pseuds/teasockschocolate
Summary: a bunch of one shots of cartwheeler as parents





	1. What's In A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loosely based on tumblr prompt: Can you write a prompt about Anne and Phillip discussing baby names and what do they think their little boy or girl was going to do and be when he/she grows up and Anne gets kind of emotional because of her past and Phillip assures her that he will always protect both of them? 

Warm sunlight beamed through the window frame, illuminating the small apartment. Anne sat on the couch, tucked under Phillip’s arm and her legs stretched out on the table. She was seven months pregnant now and could feel it. Her back and feet ached constantly, she was always hot, and her mood switched at the drop of a hat. She flexed her feet, missing being able to drop her head to her knees. Now she couldn’t even see her toes, let alone touch them.

She sighed, her head falling back against Phillip’s chest. His fingers traced circles along her swollen stomach and he kissed her temple. As much as she couldn’t wait to get this kid out of her, she loved moments like this. No circus drama, no stares from others, just her and Phillip and their unborn baby.

“You know,” Phillip said, his hand stilling. “We should probably think about names again.”

Anne smiled and turned her head to look at him. “Yeah, I guess so. You go first.”

Just as he opened his mouth she spoke again. “Remember, no Shakespeare.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, what about…”

“No Greek either.” She reminded him.

“There’s nothing wrong with the name Odysseus!” He protested.

“There absolutely is.”

“Claudio.” Phillip suggested.

“Why do you hate our child?”

“Okay, okay,” He raised his other hand in surrender. “Why don’t you suggest something then?”

Anne groaned. “I don’t know. This is so hard.”

“If we pick a bad name, there’s a person that’s stuck with it forever.” Phillip shook his head. “That’s crazy.”

“Let’s try some basic names.” She sighed. “Samuel.”

He shrugged. “Not bad, just common.”

“Yeah,” She sighed.

“What about Oliver?” Phillip suggested.

“Isn’t that a Dickens book?”

“But it’s also a normal name!”

“Oliver,” Anne tested, rubbing her bump gently. She smiled. “I like it. What about a girl?”

“What about Mary?” Phillip said cautiously.

Anne frowned slightly. “Like my mother?”

“Yeah,” He smiled. It had taken years for Anne to fully open up about her past, and he made sure he committed every detail to memory.

“Oh, Phillip,” Anne smiled quietly and kissed his hand. “That’s so sweet. Really. But I don’t think we should name this baby after anyone. I think they should be their own free person.”

“You’re right,” He kissed her hair and stroked her stomach with one finger. “I have another idea. You may not like this either…”

“What is it?” Anne smirked.

“Nova.” Phillip said. “It means new star. Like with us and the stars.”

Her heart warmed and she grinned teasingly. “You’re such a dork.”

He shrugged, smiling.

“I like the idea though. No one would get it but us.” She drew invisible shapes on her stomach. “What about Estelle? That means star too and it’s more normal.”

“It’s perfect.” Phillip beamed, laying his hand on top of hers. “Estelle or Oliver.”

“Which do you want?” Anne stretched her legs again, repositioning herself so she was more comfortable.

“Oh, I don’t care. Either as long as he or she is healthy.”

Anne eyed him, smirking. “You want a girl.”

He ducked his head, laughing. “I’d be happy with a boy too!”

“You want another girl to spoil like Caroline and Helen.”

“I guess,” He grinned. “What about you?”

“I just want another trapeze artist.” She shrugged.

“Oh, no,” Phillip groaned, shaking his head. “I worry enough with you up there. I can’t handle worrying about two.”

“Oh, come on!” Anne protested. “They’ll be fine!”

“You’re going to get them up in that hoop before they can walk, won’t you?” He teased.

“Maybe,” Anne grinned.

“What if they don’t want to do trapeze?”

“My child is going to want to be up there.” Anne said, her jaw set in determination, but her eyes shining with a playful glint.

“We’ll see,” Phillip shook his head, smiling. “we’ll see.”

A sudden thought crossed Anne’s mind. One she’d been trying to repress for a long time. “Phillip…” Her voice was quiet. “The circus… that’s the only place our baby is going to fit in.”

The grin slipped off Phillip’s face and his grip around her tightened. “Maybe not,” He said, always the optimist. “The world is changing, Anne. It’s going to be better soon.”

“Maybe, but until then this kid.. people won’t be nice to them.” Her voice broke and she was suddenly very aware that she and Phillip were subjecting their child to the jeers they got daily, all so they could have a child.

“Hey,” His hand came off her stomach and turned her chin gently to face him. “Yeah, some people will say things. But you said yourself the circus is where this kid will fit in. Those people there are the people that matter and they are going to love this kid as much as we will. Can’t you imagine he or she with Lettie? Or Tom? And these are the best people for them to grow up around. They’re going to be the most open minded person to ever live, growing up in a circus.”

A small smile danced on her lips. “Caroline and Helen have already asked me a dozen times if they can babysit.”

He laughed. “See, that too. Perfect. And Anne,” He pulled away a little so he could look at her more squarely and gripped her hand. “This child is going to be just fine. Nothing, truly, nothing will ever happen to them. There’s no way in hell a protestor will ever come anywhere near my baby. I swear.”

She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. “I know. I love you.”

He kissed her sweetly. “I love you more.”


	2. To See the Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on a tumblr prompt: Could you maybe write something about Philip meeting his baby for the first time and the way he treats Anne and everything he wants to tell her and how much he loves her

Phillip had tread a trough in the hall, each scream from Anne sending physical pain through him. Barnum and W.D. waited with him. Barnum tried to calm Phillip for the first few hours, but eventually gave up and watched him pace. W.D. was just as anxious as Phillip, his knee bouncing and his face in his hands every time his little sister cried.

After six hours of nothing to do but worry and listen to his wife’s pain, her cries stopped and a new one began that sounded like a wailing cat. His heart stopped and he turned to Barnum, a stunned expression on his face. “Is that…”

Barnum grinned through tired eyes and mimed raising a glass. “Congratulations, son. You’re a father.”

W.D. jumped to his feet, his eyes wide. “What now?” He stammered.

The bedroom door opened and the three men turned to it. Charity poked her head in, a weary smile on her face. “Hey, Phillip, would you like to meet your daughter?” She laughed as he pushed past her and ran inside. Anne was slumped against their headboard, her hair plastered to her face from sweat and tears and looking weaker but also happier than he’d ever seen her. She was staring at an impossibly tiny bundle in her arms in awe and looked up when he came in.

“Hey,” She rasped.

“Hey,” He murmured, walking over to her. He tentatively sat on the bed next to her, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulders.

A small squeak came from the bundle and he lowered his eyes to see his child for the first time. Estelle Rose Carlyle had tiny wisps of dark curls and a puffy red face. She had promptly fallen asleep and had nestled herself close to her mother.

“She’s sleeping now but she has your eyes.” Anne whispered. “I know all babies have blue eyes but I hope they stay like yours.”

“She’s perfect,” He muttered, still in awe at just how tiny she was. “Should she be this small?”

“The midwife said she’s fine. She felt a lot bigger, though.” Anne laughed breathlessly. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “Want to hold her?”

He hesitated. “I don’t want to wake her up,”

“She’ll be fine,” Anne shifted and he drew back slightly. “What is it?” Anne frowned.

“I’ve never— I mean— I haven’t held a baby before.” He bit his lip, raising his eyes to hers. “She’s so small, I’m afraid I’ll break her or something.”

Anne grinned. “You’ll both be fine. Here, hold your arms like mine.”

He copied her crossed arms and she nodded. “Make sure you support her head.” Anne warned. “She won’t be able to hold her head up for a few weeks.”

Phillip briefly wondered how she knew so much about babies but was distracted by the small cry Estelle let out when Anne lifted her away. “I know, I know,” Anne cooed to their daughter, bouncing her a little. “Let’s go see Daddy.”

His heart leapt in his chest. Daddy. He had a daughter. He was a father to a real live person.

“Here,” Anne murmured, carefully placing Estelle in his arms. She held his arms to help him position them and then drew back smiling.

Estelle was still whimpering at being separated from Anne.

“Say something to her.” Anne whispered.

“What?”

“Anything. She knows your voice.”

“What? How?” His eyes grew and Anne laughed.

“She’s been listening to us for nine months. She’ll remember you.”

“Okay…” Estelle’s eyes were open now and his breath hitched. Staring up at him was a tiny replica of Anne, except for his own almond shaped blue eyes. She blinked, trying to adjust to the light, and gave up and closed them again. “Hey, there. Nice to meet you.”

Anne scootched closer to them, resting her head on his shoulder and a hand on Estelle’s head.

“I love you,” He whispered, his voice breaking slightly as he realized just how fiercely he felt about the tiny person in his arms. After he met Anne, he hadn’t imagined he could love someone as much as he loved her, but he felt an entirely new and maybe even stronger love for Estelle. “So much. I’m so happy you’re finally here.”

The baby let out a tiny sigh of contentment and stretched a tiny hand, her fingers closing over his index finger. He drew a sharp breath and felt as though his heart would burst.

“Anne,” He whispered excitedly. “Look at — she’s — oh my god!”

“Ugh, lucky!” Anne giggled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“Do you want her back?” He asked, feeling slightly guilty.

Anne laughed again. “I had her for nine months. You can hold her as long as you want.”

A few minutes of bliss passed, the two of them just watching their baby sleep.

“She’s pretty amazing, isn’t she?” Anne murmured.

A soft knock at the door stopped his agreement and Charity leaned in. “May we come in?”

“Oh!” Phillip had forgotten they were out there. “Of course, come on,”

Charity waved Barnum and W.D. and sat down on the bed at his and Anne’s feet.

“Look! She grabbed my finger!” Phillip hissed, lifting his hand to show his surrogate mother.

Charity laughed. “Oh, I love when they do that.”

“So who’s this little lady?” W.D. knelt down — probably the closest he’s ever been to Phillip, Phillip thought — and beamed at his niece.

“This is Estelle Rose Carlyle.” Anne grinned proudly, stroking their baby’s head with two delicate fingers.

Barnum bowed tipped his hat. “She’s beautiful. Well done.”

“Thank you.” Anne beamed.

W.D. carefully eyed Phillip and Estelle. “May I…”

“Of course,” Phillip turned to Anne who nodded. He handed the baby back to Anne to pass off, still terrified of dropping her, and walked to the other side of the bed, squeezing next to Anne.

W.D. took Phillip’s place and gently took Estelle from Anne. Phillip bit back a slightly envious feeling, as W.D. knew exactly how to hold her. The Wheeler siblings had clearly spent a good deal of time with children.

W.D. gazed down at the baby, shaking his head in disbelief. He held her for a while longer until she started to cry again.

“She’s probably hungry.” Charity mused. “That’s your cue, boys. Get out.” She took Estelle from W.D. and shooed him off the bed.

“Do I have to go too?” Phillip looked between Charity and Anne, feeling like a child asking for permission. He’d spent so long that day only being able to listen to Anne cry, he didn’t want to leave her side anytime soon.

Charity looked at Anne who said he could stay. W.D. clearly looked very uncomfortable at both the thought of his sister breastfeeding, and Phillip being there, but he left nonetheless.

“Okay, Anne. This part isn’t always easy so don’t get discouraged if it takes her a while.”

Phillip shifted uncomfortably as Charity lifted Anne’s shirt and helped get Estelle to latch on.

Anne jumped suddenly and Phillip with her.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Anne made a face and gestured down to the baby and he felt his cheeks flush.

“You’ll learn what she wants by what time and how she cries.” Charity said. “Mostly it’ll just be for food and to be changed. At this age the only time she’ll be awake is when she’s eating, most likely. Never wake her up when she’s sleeping. She’ll make you regret it.”

“Just like her mother.” Phillip teased and ducked as Anne swatted at him with her free hand.

Charity smiled. “Let’s see… Anything questions? Phin or I will come check on you tomorrow.”

“Can you bring the girls?” Phillip asked, his smile broadening at the thought of the two little girls who had become like his sisters.

“I’m not sure if you want that energy. You two are already exhausted.”

“No, it’s okay.” Anne smiled. “They can come if they want to.”

Charity laughed. “Alright, your choice not mine. We’ll see you tomorrow.” She bent down and kissed both Anne and Phillip’s heads and left the room, smiling again at them before closing the door behind her.

Anne shifted beside Phillip, threw a towel over her shoulder and turned Estelle so she was vertical. She lay her head on her shoulder and gently patted her back.

“What’re you doing?” Phillip stared as Anne rhythmically tapped Estelle’s tiny back.

“Burping her. I’ve never done it but I saw my mama enough times.”

“Your mother?”

Anne’s face hardened for a second, as if she was retreating back behind the wall she had placed around herself for so long.

“Sorry,” Phillip muttered.

Anne sighed. “No, no it’s fine. She was the wet nurse for the mistress. Back in Alabama.”

His jaw hardened as he remembered painfully that Anne had been born a slave. From what she had told him and the little that she knew, Anne’s father had been the master who had raped Anne’s mother. W.D. and Anne were half siblings — W.D.’s father being their mother’s late husband. When Anne was ten and W.D. was thirteen, they’d been sold to a circus where they’d been freed on the condition they performed trapeze, which they had a talent for. That’s why Anne loved the trapeze. It literally had given her freedom and a rebirth of herself.

“That’s why you know what to do with her. Why you’re so good with kids.” It was a statement and a question.

“Yeah,” Anne forced a smile. “I’ve been taking care of babies since I was one myself basically.”

“I’m sorry,” Phillip said quietly. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s okay.” Anne said softly. “I can open up to you. I know that. I just forget sometimes.”

“I wish I could take that pain for you. Away from you forever.” He murmured.

Anne looked from him to the baby in her arms. “You did. You gave me her.”


	3. Little Aunts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caroline and helen meet the baby

Shrieks of excitement filled the apartment quickly hushed by a sharp “Girls!” woke Anne. To be fair, she hadn’t slept much anyway. Estelle hadn’t cried too often, but Anne found herself sleeping half awake just in case.

Phillip groaned and sat up beside her.

“5…4…3…2…”

The door flung open and Helen and Caroline sprinted in, leaping onto the bed.

“Phillip!” Helen cried, throwing herself at him.

Caroline was more reserved than her sister, but still bounced on the edge of the bed, beaming between Anne and Phillip. “Where is she? Can I hold her first?”

“No, I want to!” Helen pouted.

“Girls!” Charity stood in the doorway with her arms folded and the girls hung their heads. “I’m so sorry. We were going to make you two breakfast and not wake you up.” Charity directed the last part to her daughters sternly.

“Sorry.” The both mumbled in unison.

“Come out here,” Charity’s voice was kinder now. “We’ll get breakfast started and Anne and Phillip will join us when they feel rested.”

“It’s fine, Charity. Really. I wasn’t sleeping anyway. I can help you.” Anne started to get out of bed but Charity’s look and Phillip’s arm stopped her.

“You stay in bed, Anne. You have to recover.” Charity waved Helen and Caroline over to her.

“I’m fine!” Anne protested.

“She’s right, Anne.”

“Oh, shut up.”

The girls giggled and Phillip shot them a mock glare. “Who’s side are you on?”

“When can we see the baby, Momma?” Helen ignored Phillip and tugged on her mother’s sleeve.

“That’s up to Anne and Phillip.” Charity smoothed Helen’s blonde frizz sticking out of her braid. “Maybe after breakfast?”

“Sounds good.” Anne smiled.

A half hour later, Caroline climbed into bed next to Anne holding two heaping plates of pancakes. “Here you go,” She brandished them with a grin.

“Thank you,” Anne took the plate gratefully from Caroline and leaned against the headboard. “Where’s everyone else?”

“They’re coming. I wanted to give you your food. I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Anne grinned. She loved both the Barnum girls, but as Helen had always had a slight preference for Phillip, Caroline had flocked to Anne. “I know!” She reached out and pulled the little girl into a one armed hug. “How’s ballet?”

“It’s wonderful! We’re doing the Nutcracker in a few weeks. I’m hoping to be Clara, but I don’t have as much training as the other girls.”

“Ah, who cares? You’re better than them.”

Caroline beamed. “Helen wants to be an uncle.” She added.

“Oh?” Anne laughed. “Well, I can’t wait to see both of you in that.”

“—and then the huge moth — this big!! — came flying in and I caught him!” Helen was retelling a story to Phillip with exaggerated hand motions while he watched with amusement.

“Wow!” He ruffled her hair.

“Quick Caroline, let’s eat fast so we can see the baby!” Helen grabbed her plate Phillip was holding and joined her sister on the bed.

“Now, girls, you’ll see her when Anne is ready.”

“Anne, hurry!” Helen whispered loudly and they laughed.

Once they finished eating, Charity discarded their plates and Phillip got up and went to the basinet on the side of the bed. He reached in and carefully picked up Estelle, grinning as both girls sqealed.

“Careful, don’t wake her up.” Phillip said softly as he came back to the bed. “Alright. Caroline first, right?”

“Come here, Car,” Anne said, gently pulling Caroline’s arms. “Here, hold them like this. Good. Make sure when you get her you keep her head up because she can’t hold it herself yet.”

“No fair.” Helen was upset, but also crawled close to her sister to look at the baby Phillip placed in her arms.

“HI,” Caroline giggled, looking down at the baby. “I’m your Aunt Caroline.”

“I’m Aunt Helen!” Helen reached out and touched the baby lightly.

“You’re going to have so much fun with us.” Caroline told Estelle. “We’re going to babysit you all the time. The three of us will be best friends. We’ll dance and run around and we’ll teach you the dances in the circus.”

“Your mom and dad already know them but we can help you learn.” Helen added.

“Yeah.” Caroline agreed.

“My turn?” Helen asked hopefully.

“Oh, alright.” Caroline sighed.

Phillip took the baby from Caroline’s arms and passed her to Helen’s outstretched ones.

“Look who I found.” Charity creaked open the door, Barnum beside her.

“Daddy!” The girls chorused in hushed voices.

“Daddy, Mommy, look I’m holding her!” Helen hissed excitedly.

“And I just did!” Caroline added proudly.

“Look at that,” Barnum grinned, walking over to the bed and kneeling down in front of Helen. “May I, Helen?”

Helen sighed. “Okay.” Barnum carefully took the baby out of his daughter’s arms and straightened up. “It’s kind of boring anyway. Come on, Caroline, let’s go play.” Helen and Caroline hopped off the bed and ran out of the room.

“She is something.” Barnum said quietly, He looked up at Phillip and Anne. “Congratulations. She’s wonderful.”

“Thank you.” They said in unison, smiling.

“Charity, let’s have another.” Barnum joked.

“No way.” Charity shook her head laughing. “I’ll pass that torch on to Anne now.”

“Great.” Anne rolled her eyes.

“You’re welcome.” Charity smirked. “Hey, let me have a turn.” Barnum passed Estelle off the Charity.

A crash sounded from the other room that made them all jump and woke Estelle up, crying.

Barnum sighed. “I’ll go see what the girls got into now.”

Charity bounced Estelle gently as she continued to wail. “Oh, poor baby. It’s okay, your aunts are just crazy!” The baby’s cries quieted down as Charity cooed softly to her.

Barnum reentered the room. “Nothing broken! They just knocked over some books. It’s all cleaned up now.”

“We should probably get going soon.” Charity said reluctantly. “Phin, can you get the girls to come say goodbye?”

“Oh, so soon?” Phillip frowned.

“Yes, I’m sorry. The girls have dance in a few hours and we have to run some errands beforehand.” Charity sighed. “But we’ll be back any time you’ll have us again.”

“Anytime!” Anne said as Charity handed Estelle to her. “Thank you for coming and bringing the kids. It’s always great to see them!”

“Daddy, do we have to go?” Helen wailed from the other room.

“Come on, Helen!” Caroline pulled her sister by the hand into the bedroom and they both ran to Phillip.

He caught them and lifted them both into the air, the two of them giggling wildly and clinging to his neck. He kissed them both on the cheek and set them down. “Hold on,” He quickly walked over to his coat pocket and pulled out a handful of candy, giving each girl a few pieces.

“Thank you!” They hugged him again and he ruffled each of their hair.

“Bye Anne!” They released Phillip and turned to Anne, far more careful around her. The hugged her gently and kissed both her and Estelle.

“Come back soon!” Anne called as they skipped away.

“Don’t say that or they’ll be here all the time.” Charity laughed as she leaned down to hug Anne goodbye.

“Oh, that’s fine.” Anne smiled. “And thank you. For everything. I don’t know how I would have survived yesterday without you.”

Charity simply kissed Anne’s forehead and tucked a curl behind her ear. She bent down and kissed Estelle’s head before turning to hug Phillip.

Barnum hugged her as well, and then the Barnums were gone and the house was quiet.

Phillip slipped back into bed with her, placing an arm around her shoulders and stroking their daughter’s cheek with a finger. Anne leaned into his touch and sighed contently.

“I love you.” She mumbled.

“I love you too.” He grinned and kissed her cheek. “You should go back to sleep. I’ll watch her.”

Anne hummed, already nodding off. She let him take the baby slowly out of her arms and nestled against his shoulder, falling asleep almost instantly.


	4. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby goes to the circus for the first time (idk i am bad at summaries)

To say Estelle’s first trip at the circus was met with fanfare would be an understatement.

It had been about two weeks after giving birth that Anne was up to making the trip downtown, though she’d been dying to leave the house for days. She tried to not be annoyed by Phillip’s constant hovering over her as they walked down the street. He didn’t mean to be overprotective, she knew that, but he’d been hesitant to even let her down the stairs of the apartment building. He kept a tight grip on her shoulders on their way to the circus, hyper vigilant for anything that could pose a threat to her or the baby.

No one from the circus had met Estelle yet, besides W.D. and Barnum. They’d all wanted to but had been too busy with shows, as the holiday season Barnum always upped them to ten shows a week rather than eight. Phillip had been down a few times, though Barnum had stepped back into being ringmaster to give Phillip a paternity leave.

Anne’s heartbeat quickened as the big top tent came into view. Her fingers itched to get back on the trapeze, but she’d been told it would be months before her body was ready. The troop was gathered in the center of the ring when they entered, and all turned at the sound of them.

Several of the younger girls instantly rushed forward, surrounding Anne with coos and squeals.

“Oh, honey,” Lettie kissed Anne’s cheek. “Can I hold her?”

“Please.” Anne laughed, her arms tired for carrying the baby and walking so long. She passed off Estelle and stepped back. “Just watch her head.”

“Got it.” Lette beamed down at the baby and bounced her gently. “Hello there, pretty girl.”

“Oh, me next, please!” Celeste, one of the other acrobats who had been filling in for Anne, begged.

Anne leaned back against the bleachers, trusting the others to handle the passing of the baby.

Phillip came over next to her, yawning. “Think anyone would notice if we went and slept somewhere?”

“Not at all.” Anne laughed. Her eyes drifted from the crowd to her old trapeze ring and she sighed softly.

“You’ll be back up there soon.” Phillip said, following her gaze.

“Not soon enough.” She huffed a breath. “And it won’t be the same.”

“I know.” Phillip wrapped an arm around her waist and she slumped against him.

“It’s worth it, of course, but I hate that I won’t be able to do what I used to. It was just…” Anne trailed off, not sure what she meant, just wishing there was a way she could still be in the air. “It’s been almost a year. I’ve never gone that long without the trapeze. It’s hard.”

“I know,” He kissed her hair. “But soon you’ll be back and Estelle and I will be cheering you on from the ground.”

“She’ll be up there too, soon.”

“Nope.”

“Yep.” She grinned. “There’s no use fighting the inevitable.”

“I can try.”

“We’ll see.” Anne smirked. “How’s she doing? Should we save her yet?”

He leaned over and looked at the group huddled around their child. “Walter’s got her now. She’s fine. Still sleeping.”

Anne scoffed. “At least someone is.”

“I know, she’s so selfish.”

A throaty cry suddenly filled the tent and someone called Anne’s name, terrified. Anne sighed and quickly walked over and took Estelle back.

“What’s wrong?” She murmured, bouncing the baby a little.

“I’m sorry!” Walter’s eyes were wide and Anne laughed.

“You didn’t do anything. She’s always either crying or sleeping.” Estelle kept crying and Anne sighed. “I probably have to feed her. I’ll be back in a minute.”

She carried the baby out to her old dressing tent she’d shared with the other girls. “This is where I used to live, Ellie.” She said, bouncing her. Estelle kept crying. “Okay, okay.”

A soft “Anne?” at the flap came after a few minutes and Lettie poked her head in. “Company?”

Anne grinned. “Please.”

Lettie slipped in and sat opposite Anne. “How’re you doing?”

“Tired,” Anne sighed. “but good. How about you? How’s the show?”

Lettie shrugged. “Not much has changed. We miss you around here.”

Anne groaned. “Oh, I miss you guys so much. I haven’t been allowed to leave bed for weeks.”

Lettie frowned. “Really? I didn’t know doctors bedrid you.”

Anne rolled her eyes teasingly. “Oh, not the doctors.”

Lettie smirked. “Dad a bit overprotective?”

“I’m honestly shocked that he’s not back here right now.”

“Oh, he tried to follow you but I said I’d come instead.” Lettie grinned.

Anne sighed dramatically. “I love him but my god…” and Lettie laughed.

Estelle finished eating and Anne handed her back to Lettie to hold for a while as they talked more. After a while, Celeste and Sylvia came back to the tent.

“Showtime soon?” Anne asked and they nodded. “Alright,” Lettie passed Estelle back and hugged Anne.

“You can’t stay?” Sylvia frowned.

“No,” Anne smiled sadly. “The baby’s not supposed to be around too many loud noises for a while. It could hurt her ears.”

“Aww, okay/“ Sylvia hugged Anne and kissed the top of Estelle’s ears.

“Well, the second she can be here you’ll be back, right?” Celeste asked as she hugged her.

“Can’t keep me away.” Anne grinned. “Break a leg!”

She walked back to the main tent, reminiscing as she took in the docks which had been her home for so long. Phillip waited for her outside, smiling.

“Hey,” She shifted Estelle in her arms.

“Here, I can take her back.”

“Thank you,” She sighed gratefully.

“Alright, Mama,” He held Estelle in one arm and slung the other over Anne’s shoulders. “We’ll be back soon.”


	5. Break the Cage

A gentle breeze blew back Anne’s hair as she slowly rocked her baby. The sun was warm and the air sweet as the city bustled around her in the early morning.

It had been raining the past few days, so she took advantage of the bright morning and sat on the front stoop, quietly singing to her newborn daughter. She relished the rare moment of serenity. The baby’s eyes were squinted to take in the world and she cooed softly as Anne’s curls brushed against her forehead as Anne rocked her.

Phillip had had to go to rehearsal for the show, though he was reluctant to leave Anne and Estelle. Though she loved him being with her, she enjoyed the quiet moment of peace and the first time being alone with her baby.

She registered someone walking down the sidewalk, but didn’t think anything of it until the footsteps came to a halt in front of her. Anne raised her head and her chest instantly constricted.

An older woman stood at the edge of the steps with her shoulders back and her head high. She was the epitome of the upper class, except for her face. Her lips were parted in awe and her dark eyes were filled with a hungry longing. She wasn’t looking at Anne, but at the bundle in Anne’s arms.

“Hello, Anne,” The woman said, so breathless and tentative Anne could have imagined it.

Anne instinctively drew Estelle closer to her, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by the woman who’s face flashed with hurt for a second before regaining composure. She raised her eyes to Anne’s and Anne’s skin crawled.

Those eyes hadn’t looked at her in years — since they glared at her from the staircase of a theater. They’d been filled with contempt as they called her “the help.” This woman had terrified her then. Made her squirm like a bug under a microscope. But Anne had since learned to not let those eyes — or any — scare her any more.

“Hello, Mrs. Carlyle.”

Anne refused to be the first to break eye contact. After several uncomfortable seconds, the woman’s gaze drop and Anne enjoyed a silent victory.

“What are you doing here?”

Mrs. Carlyle opened her mouth and closed it, shifting her feet. “I…” She pursed her lips. “I wanted to see… I heard about her. I wanted to see if it was true.”

“It is.” Anne pressed her baby closer to her chest.

“Could I…” Mrs. Carlyle’s breath was shaky as she inhaled. “Could I hold her?”

Anne’s eyes flashed. “No.” She rose to her feet, quickly climbing the steps to go back inside. She hesitated at the door and turned back around. “Why?”

“Because… She’s the only one in my world who doesn’t… She’s the closest I have to him.”

 _Phillip_ , her foggy brain supplied. In lighter stories of his parents, Phillip had told her of the gardens his mother used to take him to. How she’d read the plays he’d written since he was a child, always praising his work in high esteem and showing it off to her friends. Phillip had loved his mother. He hadn’t admitted it, but Anne knew that he still did. And the broken old woman in front of her, it was clear, loved Phillip.

He’d be angry. Anne knew, but it didn’t stop her. “Just a second.”

Mrs. Carlyle’s eyes brightened and a small smile crept on her face as Anne carefully held the baby out, keeping one light hand on Estelle.

“She’s beautiful,” Mrs. Carlyle whispered, a crooked finger gently caressing the baby’s cheeks. “What’s her name?”

“Estelle.”

“Estelle Carlyle.” Mrs. Carlyle’s eyes held unshed tears. “She looks like Phillip when he was a baby.” Her smile widened. “He was the sweetest thing. So quiet and bright.” She laughed a little. “Of course he was a handful when he got older, but he got better.”

A handful. A nice way to put when Phillip took a toe out of line his father would beat him to a pulp while his mother would watch quietly. Anne instantly tensed and reached out for Estelle.

“God, it seems like a lifetime ago,” Mrs. Carlyle breathed, paying Anne no attention.

“It was.” Anne took the baby out of Mrs. Carlyle’s arms and made once more to go inside.

“Anne,” Mrs. Carlyle’s voice stopped her again. “I know I made mistakes. And I know Phillip can’t forgive me for them. I know you probably won’t want me to be a part of Estelle’s life.” She took a shaky breath, a tear sliding down her cheeks. “I’m sorry for that.”

With that, the old woman turned.

“I’ll talk to him.” Anne didn’t know what compelled her to feel sorry for this woman. Maybe her frayed emotions from having a baby. Maybe she wanted to try to let Estelle have a grandmother, since Anne’s own mother was dead. “We’ll see.”

A flicker of hope lit in Mrs. Carlyle’s eyes. She bit back a smile and nodded to Anne before turning to go down the street.

 _We’ll see_ , Anne thought, kissing the baby’s forehead.


	6. The Only Thing That I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Could you write about Anne and Phillip's daughter asking questions for the first time about why people don't like that they're married or treat them differently? And them having to try to explain to her?

“Ow!” Estelle yelped as her mother tried to tame her wild curls. “Mama!”

“Sorry,” Anne muttered, patting Estelle’s head.

Estelle groaned and craned her neck back to her head rested against her mother’s stomach. “Why do I have to go to school? Why can’t I just stay at the circus?”

“Because.” Anne gently pinched Estelle’s nose, causing the little girl to giggle and lean back up. “You’ll like school. You’ll learn new things and get to play with kids your age.”

“Did you like school?”

Anne hesitated, brush still above her daughter’s head. “I didn’t go to school.”

“Why?”

“It was different when I was little.”

“Daddy went.”

“Well, Daddy’s from here. Where I’m from I couldn’t go to school.”

“Why?”

Anne sighed. “That’s just the way it was.”

That seemed to satisfy Estelle as she shrugged and continued to complain as her mother did her hair.

A decent fight later, Estelle skipped away from the mirror, long brown pigtails dancing on her back. “Daddy!” She called, running to find her father. “Look at me!”

“Wow!” Phillip barely caught her when she flung herself at him. “Beautiful. You all ready?”

Estelle turned to Anne who nodded. “Yep! Let’s go!”

She ran to the door, rocking back and forth on her heels while she waited for her parents.

“What are you gonna do when I’m at school?”

“Same as we always do.” Phillip tugged gently on a braid when he reached her and opened the door. “Just more boring work at the circus.”

“I’m gonna miss the circus.” Estelle frowned. “And you guys.”

“Well how about you come see the show tonight after school?” Anne suggested. That was the plan anyway, but Estelle didn’t have to know that.

The little girl’s face brightened. “Okay!”

They stepped into the street and Estelle skipped a few feet ahead of them. Phillip wound his fingers through Anne’s and they set off for the school.

“Disgusting.” A man muttered.

They didn’t acknowledge it, more than used to the stares and comments they got in public at this point, but Estelle stopped.

“Why’d he say that?” She frowned.

Anne and Phillip exchanged nervous glances. She’d never noticed there was anything different about her parents and they’d been dreading the day she did.

“He probably just had a gross breakfast.” Phillip said breezily.

Estelle shrugged and kept skipping and Anne breathed a sigh of relief.

“She’s going to figure it out soon.” Anne said, low enough were Estelle couldn’t hear.

“I know,” Phillip muttered. “What if the other kids tease her?”

“They may not.” Anne bit her lip, watching her daughter ahead. “She looks white enough they may not notice anything.”

Anne had been relieved that their child had looked so much like Phillip, with bright blue eyes. Her skin was lightly tanned, looking as though she just spent a lot of time in the sun. Only her wild curls gave any indication she was Anne’s — though her stubborn and fearless demeanor gave that away.

“The kids parents will know who we are though.”

“She’ll be fine.” Anne said, wishing she had half the confidence her voice conveyed.

They’d reached the school and Estelle stood frozen, nervously playing with the tip of a braid.

“Mama,” She whined, turning to Anne with wide eyes.

“It’s okay,” Anne encouraged, smiling and pulling Estelle into a hug.

“Hey, here’s Helen!” Phillip enthusiastically waved to the youngest Barnum who ran over to them. She was still in the primary school Estelle would be going to and had agreed to walk her to her classroom. Helen, still eight years old at heart, flung her arms around her “brother” before hugging Anne and kneeling down in front of Estelle.

“Ready, Ellie?”

Estelle gave her a small smile and shrugged.

“You’re gonna love it.” Helen grinned.

“Come here,” Phillip scooped Estelle up and kissed her cheek. “Have fun, okay?”

Estelle bobbed her head, chewing her bottom lip.

“We’ll be right here at the end of the day, okay?” Anne laid a hand on Estelle’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

“Okay.” Estelle said quietly.

“Go on,” Phillip gently nudged her towards the door where a swarm of kids were heading.

Estelle’s wide eyes flitted between her two parents before she slowly backed up and took Helen’s hand.

Helen waved to Anne and Phillip and then turned to Estelle, saying something that they couldn’t hear but made Estelle giggle.

“Oh my god what were we thinking? She’s too little to be in this big school, she’s a baby!” Anne turned to Phillip, tears swimming in her eyes.

It was his turn to be the optimist. “She’s gonna be fine.” Phillip said, wrapping his arm around Anne’s shoulders. “She’ll be fine.”

The day dragged on for Anne and Phillip. Anne spent all day rehearsing with W.D., instinctively looking for Estelle who used to come to practices when she was a toddler. Phillip and Barnum had meetings going over the books and couldn’t stop glancing at his watch every few minutes.

At last it was time to get Estelle and they all but raced to the school. Children came pouring out and eventually they saw Helen and Estelle. Helen was fuming, her face bright red and her hair twitching against her back. Estelle looked confused and was running to keep up with Helen.

“What happened?” Phillip frowned as Helen pushed past him. “Helen.”

She whipped around, plastering a false smile on her face. “Nothing. Everything’s great. See you later.”

“Helen!” He called again after her but she kept walking.

Phillip’s eyebrows furrowed but he turned his attention to his daughter. “How was school, pumpkin? He bent down smiling.

Estelle shrugged. “Okay.”

“Did you make any friends?”

Estelle shook her head.

“Well, that’s okay. It’s only the first day.”

Estelle shrugged again and pulled on Anne’s skirt. “Can we go to the tent now?”

Anne exchanged worried frowns with Phillip. “Sure, hon.”

“Estelle,” Phillip said carefully as they walked. “Do you know why Helen was so mad?”

“Some boy said something and she hit him.”

“What? What’d he say?”

Estelle scrunched her face up, trying to remember. “He called us peanut pickers. And he said I was a mullltoe.”

“You mean mulatto?” Anne’s heart broke.

“Yeah. And Helen told him to shut up and he said she wasn’t any better because both our daddies were nickel lovers or something. What does that mean?”

They stopped walking and Anne felt like she was going to cry. Estelle was five years old. She shouldn’t have to be subjected to the world. Anne wanted nothing more than to wrap her up and keep her in the circus where the canvas walls hid the hate and bigotry of the real world.

“It—“ Anne struggled for words. “It…”

“They’re small minded people, Ellie.” Phillip bent down to Estelle’s level. “You know how… Well, most people on the street don’t look like the people in the circus. And we know that that’s good. And that everyone is special. Right?”

Estelle nodded.

“Well… some people… they don’t understand that everyone is special and they get angry that people are different. A lot of people don’t like that Mommy and Daddy are in the circus. But that’s okay, because lots of other people do.”

“And you don’t need to worry about what other people think.” Anne added, crouching down next to them. “Because all that matters is that what you do makes you happy.”

“What does the word the boy called me mean?” Estelle’s face was far too serious. Far too mature for a five year old girl.

Anne looked at Phillip, a silent conversation passing between them. She didn’t have to know all the issues of race, but she couldn’t be hidden from it any more.

Anne grabbed Phillip’s arm and held it next to hers. “See this? Daddy’s arm is lighter than mine.”

Estelle frowned. “So what?”

“Exactly.” Anne lowered her arm. “People like that boy, well, they think that people with lighter skin, like Daddy and Helen, should stay with people that look like them, and people with darker skin, like me and Uncle W.D., should stay with people who look like us.”

“But you’re smarter.” Phillip said. “You know that that’s not true and it doesn’t matter what anyone looks like.”

“So what that boy said is a really mean word that means that you look like Daddy and you look like me. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“So Aunt Helen punched him.”

Phillip cracked a smile. “Aunt Helen’s smart too.”

“But you shouldn’t ever hit anyone.” Anne shot Phillip a look. “Even if they’re mean.”

“Okay.” Estelle smiled.

“Do you understand what we said?” Phillip asked.

“People are dumb and think different bad but I’m smart and know it’s good.” Estelle answered.

Phillip grinned. “Exactly.”

“Okay. Can we go to the circus now?”


	7. Trying to Hold My Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loosely based on a tumblr prompt of their daughter growing up around the circus

“Lettie?” Phillip walked over to her. “Have you seen Anne and the baby?”

Lettie smirked. “In the ring.”

  
Frowning, he turned, immediately stopping dead in his tracks as his heart soared with a mix of fear and love.

Anne’s trapeze hoop hung two or three feet off the ground and was spinning in a gentle circle. Anne sat perched in it, one arm looped around the top, the other holding their baby in her lap. Estelle’s was cooing and smiling, shaking her hands in excitement. Anne made a soft whooshing sound when they spun and Estelle let out a gurgling laugh.

Phillip slowly walked towards them, not wanting to break the spell of peace. Anne looked up at his footsteps and smiled at him. “She’s okay,” Anne said quietly, knowing his apprehension of ever letting Estelle in the air.

“I know,” He smiled, though he still didn’t love the idea of his four-month-old daughter in a trapeze hoop. “I trust you.”

He soon saw that it was a routine thing. A special bonding thing for Anne and Estelle that made him feel as though his chest would burst when he saw it. As Estelle got older, she got more daring, and that made his heart race for an entirely different reason.

She was three the first time she went up alone. She wasn’t supposed to, but they turned their backs for a minute and she was dangling from her knees as she’d seen her mother do. “Look at me!” She squealed, clutching the hoop though her head was only a few inches from the ground.

Phillip and Anne both raced towards her — Phillip to pull her down and Anne to perfect her technique.

“Shift your knees forward more. Good. Now let go of the hoop.”

“I’ll fall!”

“Yeah, she doesn’t have to—“

“Shush, Phillip. You won’t fall, Ellie.” Anne crouched in the sand, repositioning her daughter and guiding her hands off the hoop. “Here. I’ll hold onto you.”

She gently held onto Estelle’s side, coaxing her to hang freely from the hoop.

Estelle shrieked in delight. “Daddy, look!”

“Oh, I’m looking,” Phillip sighed.

“Isn’t trapeze fun?” Anne threw a smirk at Phillip when Estelle agreed enthusiastically. 

Estelle first swung from a rope when she was five. Anne and W.D. pushed her from across the ring, much like they did with Caroline and Helen when the girls were younger. Estelle clung to the rope, but laughed as she swayed between her mother and uncle.

“Put an arm out!” W.D. encouraged her and she bravely extended an arm to the air. 

She touch an actual trapeze until she was eleven. Anne would have started her much earlier, but Phillip was a nervous wreck just with Estelle playing on the hoop and ropes. She hadn’t gone nearly as high as Anne normally did, but was itching to soar above the rafters.

Phillip watched through his fingers in the stands when Anne lowered a trapeze to a few feet from the ground. She helped Estelle up onto it, perching her like it was a swing. Estelle pumped her legs and swung, getting the feel of it.

“Good.” Anne nodded, carefully watching her. “Want to try from your knees?”

Estelle beamed. “Yes!” She grabbed onto the ropes on either side of the pole and flipped herself over, dangling upside down. She extended her arms in front of her, rocking her torso to swing back and forth. “Push me, Mama!”

Grinning, Anne pulled the trapeze back further in the air so that Estelle swung like a pendulum. Phillip’s breath caught sharply in his throat when it struck him how much she resembled her mother in that moment.

As she got older, she climbed higher and the air, bringing Phillip’s blood pressure with her. Far sooner than he would have liked, she was up as high as Anne.

“I don’t get it.” Phillip muttered to Lettie one day, watching the two in the air. “Why do they want to kill me? This is how I’m going to die.”

Lettie laughed and clapped his back. “Don’t be bitter that she’d rather be in the air than reading Shakespeare.”

“Shakespeare is safer than this.” He muttered.

“You ran through fire and Anne defies gravity for a living. Did you really think a daughter of you two was going to be into self preservation?”

He snorted. “I guess you’re right.”

“Daddy, watch!” Estelle called. He craned his neck back, hating how far up he had to look. Estelle swung from the trapeze upside down, catching Anne’s hands and flipping herself to catch the bar again.

“Oh my god.” Phillip groaned. “This is it.”

Lettie grinned. “Good luck, Carlyle.”


End file.
